4. Say “no” to tinned mushrooms

TINNED MUSHROOMS ARE OFFENSIVE. 

FACT!

Have you ever tried tinned mushrooms?

No?

Well don’t. They are offensive.

I bought some because I love mushrooms and thought they might be good to chuck in some dinner when I’d run out of food and needed to cook with the remnants of my cupboard. I thought, “hey, if I run out of fresh veg at least I’ll still be able to enjoy mushrooms.” It’s advisable to have tins in the cupboard. Long-lasting.  Sometimes you just can’t find the time to do the weekly shop. That’s ok. That’s what cupboards are for. And tinned vegetables. And why would you think they’d be awful. Tinned tomatoes, I always use. Sweet corn, great from a tin. Beans, perfect. Mushrooms, no. 

I mean really, deep down, I wanted a pizza but nowhere nearby was open and I couldn’t be arsed waiting for a delivery so I thought mushrooms (and something else but I can’t remember what that was) on toast would do. Still bread, veg, ketchup. Fills a hole.

Boy, was I wrong. They ruined my toast and I love toast. They tasted like they’d been out in a hot room for a good year or two. They were not good for a hungry, post-work, coming to the end of a hangover, me.

Lesson learnt: never lower your standards. If you want pizza but can’t find any suitable, don’t settle for tinned mushrooms on toast. Say “no” to tinned mushrooms. Don’t be fooled. 

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